We're All Leading Players

Yesterday I watched the reunion show for Project Runway. Typically these reunion shows are a way for producers to eke out just a bit more drama from their cast of players with low production costs. They show recaps, poke some open wounds, and spend a lot of time asking the cast members how it makes them feel.

During the show, though, I noticed a phrase repeated continuously. "My journey." They kept thanking the other contestants for being a part of their journey. How they felt this was such an important part of their journey. That even if they didn't compete as well as they hoped, they were so thankful for their development in their journey.

Every single one of them was talking as if they were the lead roles in their own stories.

That's how they see themselves. 

It's how most of us see ourselves. 

In The Culture of Narcissism by Christopher Lasch, he describes a unique phenomenon that occurs in modern Americans. Because we are uniquely separated from our past, our histories, our communities, we all seek to feel significant in our own selves. A desire to stand completely apart from others and declare that "I am important." We are all engaged in these "private performances" and trying to develop what Emerson called "an original relation to the universe."

Lasch wrote of this phenomenon in the 1970s, but if anything it's more true now. Each of us is desperate to be the stars of our own lives, but in order to make that performance authentic, it has to be recognized by everyone else. With social media, reality tv, and -- dare I say?-- blogs, it's all too easy to position ourselves for the recognition we think we deserve. We are poised to make ourselves the center of everyone's understanding of ourselves instead of positioning ourselves in the context of history, society, family, or anything else that might embed us in something other than individualism.

We demand recognition. As Chuck Palahniuk wrote in Fight Club, "We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off." Each of the designers who didn't win the big prize was shocked to find that the show wasn't about them and their journey, and you could watch them struggle with that in real time. 

As a writer, I struggle with this daily. The number one piece of advice writers get is to put themselves into the story and to write what they know. Well, guess what? I make a lousy lead player. I spend my life behind a computer screen and homemaking for my family. My life is simple and happy and utterly boring. No one wants to read about me or what I know! 

Yet, time and again, I find myself modeling characters off of myself. I think, "what would I do in this situation?" Or "how would I react?" 

At least at first.

Thank the gods they never remain so simple. Within a few pages, my characters tend to do the opposite of what I would do. By the time they're thrown into the plot, they take on their own lives, and I can torture them from a distance.They grow, they become something else, and I spend as much time as possible trying to distance myself from these crazy lunatics who are running towards the fire instead of away. 

Still I wonder. Is it a bad thing that we're so often the leading players in our own stories? Should we attempt (as I find myself doing quite frequently) to be a better supporting character? Are our lives and the lives of others made better by sometimes viewing ourselves as the leading man's best friend? Or maybe even the villain?

RuPaul's Drag Race

Recently I was introduced to an amazing show called RuPaul's Drag Race. It features famous drag queen RuPaul and her search for the next drag superstar. A group of drag performers compete against one another with dancing, acting, costume making, character building, and lip syncing, attempting to outperform each other for a chance at the crown.

And oh my goodness! There's so much talent, comedy, and subculture insight in every single moment of this show. The queens featured on the show mug and preen and provide so much entertainment, I can hardly look away.

The last few weeks, though, I have been living for one of my best friends' blog recaps. She puts together screenshots, GIFs, and videos that sum up everything you could want to know about the show. If you like drag, camp, witty commentary, hilarious GIFs, or just pure entertainment, I encourage you to check out the Dilettwat's blog: http://dilettwat.typepad.com/.

And Now for Something Completely Different

I will admit, in addition to being a fashion junkie, a fiction glutton, and a political addict, I am a ruthless consumer of pop culture. There's no shame here. I read Perez Hilton. I watch American Idol. I know which Kardashian is which.

Currently, I am thrilled at the return of So You Think You Can Dance. I regularly find YouTube videos of my favorite routines to watch over and over again. And I always have an opinion. So for my friends who love it as much as I do, here are my takes on last night's Top 20 performances.

• Jordan and Tadd, Afro Jazz: The judges raved about how this routine was perfection, but I'm not sure what routine they were actually watching. I thought Tadd fumbled most of his lifts, Jordan was not nearly loose enough for the African side of the dance, and their timing was constantly off. There was a lift in the middle when Tadd was supposed to move Jordan from a handstand on one thigh to the other, and I could see how awkward it was for both of them to hold themselves up. Maybe the judges were just trying to keep enthusiasm up, but I thought the routine was painful to watch.
• Sasha and Alexander, Contemporary: Now this was the sort of routine I watch the show for. Sasha and Alexander had the precision, the power, and the passion that Jordan and Tadd lacked. And what do you know, it's a Travis Wall routine. Wall was in season 2 and has regularly delivered some of the most memorable choreography since. When he finds two dancers that can convey a story as these two dancers clearly can, he steps it up. I'll be watching this one again.
• Clarice and Jess, Broadway: Another routine the judges praised that really did nothing to impress me. While Jess is a Broadway dancer and Clarice executed the steps just fine, but my god was this one of the most boring Broadway routines I've seen. The real annoyance is how cute Jess seems to think he is. His pre-dance interview and rehearsal bit put me off of him almost immediately, and his smirk through the dance didn't help. Mostly a forgettable dance.
• Ryan and Ricky, Lyrical Hip Hop: Oh, I love this song! They danced a hip hop number to "Ain't No Sunshine," which is an amazing song. Weird thing was, and the only criticism the judges offered, was that Ryan smiled through the whole thing, which didn't gibe with the story of the song or the dance. The dancing was really strong though, even if the choreography was at times a bit repetitive.
• Caitlynn and Robert, Jazz: Ooh! A Sonya Tayeh routine. Sonya is the weirdest, most original choreographers on the show. The second one of her dances starts, you know exactly who is responsible for it. And because Caitlynn's partner was injured, she got to dance with Robert from season 7. They did a wonderful job, and Robert was able to accomplish the lifts that Tadd could only dream about.
• Miranda and Robert, Jive: Again, everyone else loved this routine, while I thought it came off as a bit weak, forced, and a little sloppy. There was no doubting the energy the couple brought to the stage, but the constant mugging was a bit off-putting. I get that it's a jive, but if some of the energy they put into pulling faces had gone into their footwork, I might have liked it better.
• Missy and Wadi, Jazz: This was a strong performance, but I found the choreography a bit unimaginative. The only thing that was really impressive was Wadi's flying over the box set piece; wow, that boy can move!
• Melanie and Marko, Contemporary: By far my favorite of the night. Another Travis Wall routine, this dance was emotional, beautiful, and memorable. The dance was about two statues that came to life when no one was looking, and as Melanie and Marko came together, they displayed the chemistry I had been waiting for. I think this will be one of the best of the season.
• Ashley and Christopher, Hip Hop: This was a hip hop set to Cee Lo's "Forget You", and had all of the cheese and fun of the song. That said, it wasn't exactly difficult choreography, when there was any choreography at all. The dance was mostly a mime to the lyrics of the song, which was very Junior High. Not quite to the level we've come to expect from SYTYCD.
• Iveta and Nick, Quickstep: Lucky for everyone, the first person to get the "kiss of death" the quickstep was the world champion in quickstep. Iveta, of course, rocked it, and Nick stayed right there with her. I think the two of them have enough of a following already to stick around, and now we won't have to see another quickstep for the rest of the season.

So that's that. Fun blog post for me. Empty reading for you. And I meet my writing goal for the evening, and I can still write some fiction tonight! Woot!