Body Shaming

Yesterday, while avoiding work, I came across a personally upsetting story. A 13-year-old girl in St. Louis was having trouble with bullying. Classmates had been taunting her and sexually harassing her because she happens to have large breasts. When the girl's mother reported the issue to the school and the school district she was given the most appalling piece of advice. Instead of sympathizing in any way with this poor girl, the school district instead suggested that they consider getting the girl a breast reduction.

I'll let that sink in.

Not only was the school's response wholly unsympathetic to a very real problem of sexual harassment and bullying, but they contributed to it. They blamed the girl's body for the problem. "Kids will be kids," they seem to say, " and if your daughter had a less sexual body, she wouldn't be facing this problem in the first place."

I cannot tell you how much this angers me, in part, because I've been there.

I hit puberty a bit earlier than most of my peers, and by seventh grade had fairly pronounced curves myself. I was wearing a bra long before any of my friends and had size C breasts before any of my friends were out of their training bras. I was actually nicknamed curves and got a reputation for being promiscuous before I even bestowed my first kiss.

So I know exactly what this girl is going through and what she will face moving forward. People will assume she is a very sexual creature before she even has an idea what that means. People will accuse her of wearing revealing clothing, when she is wearing the exact same things as her friends. Boys will claim she is flirting with them simply because in their minds they have sexualized their interactions with her. And people will blame all of this on her simply because of the shape of her body.

I was actually discussing this with a friend of mine the other day. Our looks play a huge part in how people view and judge us, even though there's nothing we have done to develop these bodies. The friend I was talking to about this has a very boyish figure, with very small hips, no ass to speak of, and  small breasts. She was complaining that she could never fill out her jeans to her satisfaction and would give anything to have my curves.

Another friend of mine has an incredibly lithe athletic body. She's petite and adorable, and, in my opinion, has one of the best bodies I've seen. She complained that she wanted my breasts and was actually contemplating a boob job to get them.

I told both of them that while I love my body (you know, when I'm not actively hating it), my curves have created problems for me that they would not appreciate.

For instance, a short time after college, I worked in an office with a very conservative manager. I was told when I began working there that they expected a very modest style of dress, and that I should do my best to adhere to it. I had no problem with that. I had no interest in looking sexy for the office, and I promised to choose my clothes carefully.

Still, about two months into working there, I was taken into my boss's office and told that my outfit that day was far too revealing and that I would either have to put on a cardigan (provided by the boss's wife and about 3 sizes too large) or go home. I was shocked, but agreed to put on the cardigan.

The offending outfit? A pair of loose-fitting slacks and a turtleneck sweater. Apparently the sweater that covered me from neck to wrist displayed my breasts in too enticing a way for my boss.

Two weeks after that, I was called in again. Another problem with a revealing outfit. The long sleeved sweater I was wearing was an over-sized loose knit. Because it was flesh-toned, though, the boss claimed it made me look like I was putting my body on display.

Even though I had a shirt on underneath it, he claimed it was far too sexual for the office.

Another cardigan.

I was not wearing anything sexual to that office and had made a particular effort to wear conservative clothing every day. Yet, because of the shape of my body, even those conservative outfits were considered sexual.

As I told my friends who wished for larger breasts, I'm constantly asked to reevaluate what I'm wearing because it might be considered too sexual.

Button up shirts? Nope, the buttons strain, drawing attention to my breasts.

Turtlenecks? Suddenly I'm a 50s sex kitten.

Tshirts? Let Laci Green tell you about that. 

V-necks? Draws the eyes right down.

Scoop necks? Displays the cleavage perfectly.

And every time, it's somehow my fault for the way my body is.

So to the school that actively blames the 13 year old girl's breast size for her bullying, to everyone who attempts to derive someone's character or motives because of the shape of their body, to anyone who has made someone ashamed of their body, grow some decency.

Our bodies are none of your business. How we dress or don't dress does not grant you license to draw conclusions about our character.  The shape or size of a woman's breasts, hips, stomach, thighs does not give you an excuse to treat her any differently. If you sexualize someone, then that's on you, not on her.

So knock it off. It's not appreciated.